Age-Appropriate Romance in Stardew Valley
I’m gettin’ pretty old. I don’t like to say my age out loud because maybe if I don’t say it, it won’t actually be real, so let’s just say I’m Gen X, I was born the same year as Pong, and my high school had a designated smoking area—for students. That’s pretty darn old.
And as an old guy who just started playing Stardew Valley a couple of weeks ago, I’ve slowly come to the horrifying realization that I’m way too old to be dating pretty much any of the life sim’s romantic partners. There are 12 “singles” in Stardew, and with the exception of maybe two, they’re all so young that I can’t help but feel like an absolute creep for trying to woo one, let alone marry one. I’m honestly left wondering—would have it been that hard to have a couple, y’know, actual adults to romance in Stardew Valley?
Take Abigail, one of the most popular romance options in Stardew. She’s cute, she’s goth, she’s a gamer… what more could you ask for? But the more I talked to her, the more I felt troubled about romancing her. Abigail lives with her parents, and she often talks about stuff her dad won’t let her do, like subscribe to magazines… it pretty quickly began to feel pretty icky because Abby doesn’t strike me as an adult. She seems like a teenager.
Old Me wooing a teenager is gross. We can all agree on that, right? At one point during my gift-giving, Abby sent me a letter telling me to come to her room after 8 pm because she wanted to “show me something.” Is she gonna show me an arrest warrant, because that’s about the only thing that would feel appropriate in this situation. Just the fact that she said to meet her at 8 pm like it’s some kinda forbidden hour tells me that she’s even younger than I thought. Gonna pass on that, Abs! Hit me up if you’d like me to explain escrow or recommend a good ophthalmologist.